Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
