would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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