I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
