Christians are straight up FREAKS
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
