I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
