yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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