last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
