ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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