Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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