Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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