I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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