this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
