What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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