yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
