turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
