she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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