Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
