remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I stole a fireplace last night.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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