let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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