Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Never joke about your clitoris.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
