That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
