I have demons in me.
i just google imaged poop.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
