Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I think my moral compass just broke
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
