"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
