STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
