His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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