As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
