Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
