nut hugger
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
