I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
