There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
