Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
