Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
