During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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