Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
