Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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