Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
