we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
