Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
