HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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