So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
