Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
