it wasn't lemon gatorade
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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