Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
