God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize