Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
