Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
