I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
