I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
