Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
