I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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