Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
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