i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I love having hate sex.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
i believe in u and ur pee
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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