I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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