last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
