thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
