what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize