If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
