when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
