why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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