For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
