i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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