respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
