no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
