I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
