That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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