I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
