WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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