I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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