Three words: puerto rican gang bang
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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