First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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