Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
