Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
