I am in a vortex of obligation.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
