Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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