He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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