I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
