I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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