I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
