the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
