I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
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