I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
