Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
