I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
