peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
