you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
