I CAN MOONWALK!
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
