Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
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