So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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