I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
