Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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