It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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