Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Dicks are not precious.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
