Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
