Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Randomize
