the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
